Raines Recap of NFL Week 11
Raines Recap is back, back in the football groove. The Broncos blew a lead, the Jets are back, back in the New York groove, and the Bears are dead. Similarly to Week 10, Here is the Raines Recap to Week 11.
Cleveland Hits the Steelers over the Head with a W
We start in Cleveland where Mason Ru-Dolph Lundgren was back catching jabs from Americans, this time on a football field. It was Myles Garrett Hedlund knocked the Pittsburgh QB’s Friday Night Lights out. Joe ‘Pesci’ Schobert had the Browns defense looking like Goodfellas, leading the charge with 7 tackles and 2 picks. The Steelers were spooked playing Thursday Nights at Freddie’s and leave Cleveland with a loss.
Steelers 7 – Browns 21
Don’t Count Out the Jets Yet
In the Nations Capital we head where Le’Veon Bell Biv Devoe was looking like poison to the Redskins defense. Ryan ‘Eddie’ Griffin looked like an Undercover Brother the way he was able to sneak through the Redskins secondary to the tune of 109 yards and a touchdown. Derrius looked cold as Guice. But it felt like the first time for Dwayne Haskins out there on sunday, as he couldn’t get anything going. New York seems to be in a Gase Race for the playoffs, and the beer of choice is Jamal Samuel Adams after he paced the defense to their second straight win.
Jets 34 – Redskins 7
The Colts Won the Game and Had the Touchdown Celebration of the Year Thus Far
At Lucas Oil, the Jaguars were all Chark no bite. The rookie wideout had over 100 yards and 2 touchdowns. It was all Indy in this one, as Slick Nick Foles had the Jags offense looking like a Children’s Story. Marlon ‘Wayans’ Mack said it was Triple T KA, time to totally kick ass, he did too, with 109 yards rushing and touchdown. Frank ‘Sinatra’ Reich lost his star QB, but hey That’s Life, and he’s dealt with it, riding high in November with a 6-4 record.
Jaguars 13 – Colts 33
Dolla Dolla Buffalo Bills y’all
We go to Miami where Josh Allen fell in love with a John Brown Eyed Girl, sha sha la la la la la la la la la la te da. Jakeem Eddy Grant found an Electric Avenue to the endzone not once, but twice, once rushing and on a kick return. Ryan Fitz-Pat Benatar tried hitting the vaunted Bills defense with his best shot. But it was Sean McDermott and Josh Allen who were heartbreakers keeping him out of the endzone and the Dolphins out of the win column.
Bills 37 – Dolphins 20
Save a Lion, Ride a Cowboy
At Ford Field, guess who’s Dak, Dak again, Prescott’s back, tell a friend. Chicks dig the Scars-brough, and the Lions did as well. The Alabama product ran for 55 yards and a touchdown in his first NFL action. George Michael Gallup showed the Cowboys that you gotta have faith, faith, faith in him with 148 yards receiving. Tony! Toni! Toné! Pollard feels good after the receiving score he had on Sunday. Kid Rock said it best and if you’re a Lions fan, you should listen to him, because you wanna be a Cowboy baby.
Cowboys 35 – Lions 27
Lamar Jackson has Another MVP Performance
In the game of the week, De-Shawn Johnson couldn’t flip his way out of Baltimore with a W. Mark ‘Ruffalo’ Ingram and Gus Edwards Norton both lived up to their Hulk casting. Edwards and Ingram both found the endzone in this one. The Texans liked the way De-Andre 3000 was moving with 7 receptions and 80 yards. But there was no need to apologize to Ms. Jackson, her son, Lamar Jackson is for real, throwing for 4 touchdowns in the Ravens rout of the Texans.
Texans 7 – Ravens 41
The Falcons Win Their 2nd Straight
In Carolina, Calvin Ridley Scott directed up a masterpiece for Atlanta’s offense. Matt Ryan Reynolds was the star of the show throwing for 311 yards and touchdown. Appearances from Brian Jonah Hill and Tommy Lee Julio Jones added into the Oscar nominated Falcons rout of the Panthers. Sister Christian McCaffrey made the soundtrack, but not the final cut in this one, as the Falcons ran away with the award on Sunday.
Falcons 29 – Panthers 3
The Tampa Bay Suckaneers are Back Doing What They Do Best, Sucking.
We head South to Tampa, where Michael Thomas the Tank Engine kept chugging along with his magnificent season, breaking a receptions record in the process on Sunday. Nancy Drew Brees sniffed out the mystery of the Buccaneers defense quickly as he threw for 228 yards and 3 touchdowns. For Tampa Bay, the lifestyles of the Rich & Jameis continue and we’re always complaining, always complaining. Interceptions are a problem, and Arians can’t fix them. The Saints are winning and this is the an anthem, so throw all your hands up.
Saints 34 – Suckaneers 17
Vikings Complete a 20 Point Comeback
In the Land of 10,000 lakes, a Bronco ran out to a sizeable lead. But much like the white one in 1993, it was caught up to. James T. Kirk Cousins led the trek like a star to comeback in the second half. Kyle Rudolph opened up the Viking’s Tight Ends with a late touchdown to seal the victory for Minnesota.
Broncos 23 – Vikings 27
Late Game Heroics from Jimmy G Lead to 49ers W
We head to the Golden Gate City where Larry “The Cable Guy” Fitzgerald got r done for Arizona with 37 yards and a touchdown. Deebo Samuel Jackson was a bad motherf**ker with 134 yards. The 49ers found the Jimmy G. spot with their quarterback, throwing for 400 yards and 4 touchdowns. Kyler Bill Murray wasn’t afraid of no red and gold, but the Cardinals defense fell off of a Kliff, losing the game in the 49ers last drive.
Cardinals 26 – 49ers 36
The Patriots Win a Super Bowl Rematch
In Philly Bill Belichik found his Edel-man of honor. The Patriots wideout not only had 53 yards receiving, but also had a passing touchdown. Carson Wentz was a member of the Dallas Goedert Buyers Club as they linked up for the lone Eagles touchdown. But if you get the Patriots special teams unit on the field and it’s trouble. Nick Folk-ed around and kicked 3 field goals for New England. It was a good day for the Patriots.
Patriots 17 – Eagles 10
The Raiders Stay in the Playoff Hunt
Another Sunday, and another win in the Black Hole for the Oakland Raiderrrs. Hey (hey) you (you) get behind Derek Carr. The Oakland QB led the Raiders to their 3rd straight home victory. The 0-9 Bengals tried Mixon it up, handing the ball off to their running back 15 times, but the Raiders defense rode the 4 sacks from rookie Mad Maxx Crosby to victory.
Bengals 10 – Raiders 17
The Bears are Dead
On Sunday Night in LA, the Toddfather responded to the Rams’ loss to the Bears last year, and said revenge is a dish best served cold with 97 yards and a touchdown. Troy Bolton Hill got his head in the game with an interception and 6 tackles. Cat Nagy looked more like a pussy taking out QB Mitch Trubisky in the last minutes of Sunday Night Football. After this loss for Chicago, it is safe to assume the Bears season is dead. For the Rams, well they stay in the hunt.
Bears 7 – Rams 17
Death, Taxes, and Philip Rivers Comeback Attempts
Rounding out Week 11 in Mexico City, Philip and Chargers’ fans tears are flowing like Rivers. A backbreaking interception cost the Chargers late. Le-‘Shawn Michaels’ McCoy delivered some sweet chin music to Los Angeles with an early touchdown. Patrick Star Mahomes thought was more of a pinhead, as Chiefs safety Daniel Sorensen truly was Dirty Dan with a game securing interception.
Chiefs 24 – Chargers 17
What we can look Forward to in Week 12
Battle for AFC South Supremacy
On Thursday Night Football, we get Colts vs. Texans. Not only is this a rivalry matchup. Not only do we get to see two QBs of the future. But it is a battle with 2 6-4 teams at the top of the AFC South. Should be a fun one.
Cowboys vs. Patriots
Two teams atop their respective divisions face off in a matchup we rarely see. Brady vs. Dak, Belichik vs. Garrett, Jones vs. Kraft. It is a matchup between 2 of the best teams in NFL history. Tune in at 3:25 next Sunday.
SNF with the NFC Elite
Packers vs. 49ers. Jimmy G vs. Aaron Rodgers. The 2 loss Packers vs. the 1 loss 49ers. The game has a lot of implications for home field in the NFC playoffs, and flexed into Sunday Night Football allows for the country to see elite defense of the 49ers.
Lamar Jackson vs. Aaron Donald
Two of the best on their side of the ball face off next Monday. The Ravens and the Rams are Monday Night Football this next week and it couldn’t be a better game. Lamar is an MVP candidate, but his speed and agility will get tested against one of the best D-Linemen in the NFL.
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Featured Image. NFL 100th Season. Photo Credit NFL.com.
